Intro: Boundaries is the series we will be in for the next few months. Boundaries is probably the second most impactful book in my life, next to the Bible. While I will be using concepts from Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend’s Best Selling Book Boundaries, I will be interjecting some personal experiences and Bible stories that will help us to use this material to forge better relationships and give us a stronger Biblical foundation for life.

This series will be challenging, especially when dealing with personal issues in your relationships. 

Three Concepts of Boundaries

1. God created boundaries

2. When you set a boundary, both sides get mad

3. Boundaries are fences, not walls

When our Dog Troy does something like take the box of cookies off the counter, go outside, and eat them all. He is in Trouble. First, we yell his name real loud, tell him ‘No,’ and usually say “bad dog,” then he immediately goes into his kennel. Our dog is a sturdy Chocolate Lab and weighs at least 105 lbs. He is agile and strong. Except for me, he will just run over every other person in my house. It will not even be a fight. But it does not matter whether I say those words or if Isabella, our 8-year-old granddaughter, says them; Troy’s action will be the same. Why? Power Dynamics. 

Troy has been with us since a puppy and has lived in our house. He knows when we are upset, and he knows when we are happy. He also knows who feeds him, who comes and finds him when he is lost, and who provides treats and love for him. He understands in his way the value of having a family. But he knows who the boss is. He has pushed his limits and learned where the line is. He knows when he crosses it.

I could easily share stories about children, parents, bosses, employees, or other relationships. There is always a need to figure out who is in charge and what the power structure is. Some people are good at it, and others never seem to get it right. Can I be straight up with you? The ones who understand that power is a law of life are usually the ones who abuse it. 

They use their power to get their will or else. Others hide by claiming to be powerless and give up.

Today, we will examine the Third Law of Boundaries: Power. Let’s first establish a biblical context for the powerless.

1. Powerless (Romans 7:15-24): 

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate, I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being, I delight in God’s law, but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?

EXP: The Apostle Paul is in a very vulnerable moment. He writes to the church in Rome that his body is experiencing a phenomenon we are all familiar with. Because Christ has identified what sin is in our life, we now, with this knowledge have a desire to sin still in our flesh, but also understand that we are free by doing what God wants and not what we want. On the other hand, God may desire us to act, and everything in our body says “no!” This battle rages on in Paul and wages on in each of us. 

ILL: Power is, I can do it my way, so I will. Powerless is that I must decide that I will not get what I want. There was and probably still is a large part of my decision-making, where I make decisions based on whether my body reacts well. If I have a lot of anxiety about it, 2 Timothy 1:7(KJV) For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and sound mind. I should do that thing. I am more in tune with my body than the Spirit of God. 

Galatians 5:17 For the desire of the flesh is against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, in order to keep you from doing whatever you want.

My flesh will always live in survival mode; My Spirit lives in eternal mode.

ILL:

APP: Whether in natural things or spiritual things, I use this as my guide. I use this principle to acknowledge the true Power of God in my life. 

T.S.: God is the only source of power for Christians. When you recognize that you are powerless to control others and, to an extent, even some critical decisions in your Christian Life, that is the beginning of understanding Power. Sin is doing the opposite of what God wants. We all struggle and have sin.

2. We have some Power (1 John 1:8-9; Proverbs 3:5-6; Matthew 7:7-8; Acts 3:19; Proverbs 19:20; Matthew 5:23-24).

If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us.

EXP: John tells us that we lie to ourselves if we think we have no sin. We all have and are operating in our own will and way instead of God’s will and way. The sooner we accept in our light that he is the source of all Power and that we cannot control anyone other than ourselves. That is the quickest way to set the proper boundaries in life. 

ILL: Boundaries Law #3: Power is a law of life 

What does it look like if we have first to admit we are vulnerable and powerless to sin? Is God our source of power, and is control in his hands?

Let’s go through some of the Power you do have:

1. You have the power to agree with the truth about your problems

1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

As individuals, we can face reality. We can admit to ourselves that we struggle with Power dynamics. 

2. You have the power to submit your inability to God.

Proverbs 3:5,6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding: in all your ways submit to him,  and he will make your paths straight.

​We can submit to him when we acknowledge That God is in control. Then he takes over.

3. You have the power to search and ask God and others to reveal more and more about what is within your boundaries.

Matthew 7:7,8: Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

​When you pray, you are inviting God to answer your prayers. God is faithful to hear. 

4. You have the power to turn from the evil that you find within you.

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Acts 3:19: Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord

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​We can repent of our own sins. 

5. You have the power to humble yourself and ask God and others to help you with your developmental injury and leftover childhood needs.

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Proverbs 19:20: Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end, you will be counted among the wise.

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​We can seek more profound understanding, such as counseling or mentoring. 

6. You have the power to seek out those whom you have injured and make amends.

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​We can apologize to those we have wronged. 

Matthew 5:23-24: “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First, go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

APP: The power you possess is really over you. 

T.S.: How does this play into our boundaries discussion?

3. Influence, not Change. 

ILL: What you do is influence others. Since you cannot get or make them change, you must change yourself so that their destructive patterns will no longer work on you. 

The next plank in the fence between us and the person is that we will pause and ensure we are responsible for ourselves first and then the other person. 

1st plank: God

2nd Plank: Sowing and Reaping

3rd plank: Responsibility.

**set the 4th plank: Power

The heart of this series is being eyes open. We must understand that we allow people to continue stepping over our boundaries without consequence or simply do not have a boundary in place.

ILL: When I was in management, I had a young manager who had gone from server to manager, and she was really trying to do a good job. She was in charge of writing the server schedule and kept having problems on Tuesday nights when one of the servers did not show up. In our weekly manager meetings, I asked her why we continued to be down a server on Tuesday. She told me that one of the servers kept calling off and that she would probably have to fire her. I looked at the employee; she was a transfer, the sister of another manager in the company, and she was good at her job and a big part of our weekend team. When I asked what was happening with her, she told me she refused to work on Tuesdays. I asked if she is requesting Tuesdays off and if you keep scheduling her. She said, “I told all the servers that if they want to work a weekend shift, they must work a slow day during the week. Hers is Tuesday night. But she can’t work it? That is what she says. So, do you keep scheduling her until she is fired, or does she quit? She was so busy trying to establish her power that she wrote her up enough that she quit. The manager wanted to control even when her expectations were not met. She was going to force her way or the highway. The employee was clear about her boundaries and did not waver. The need for control costs both of them something valuable and good.

Suppose you keep pressing for control. It will always end in separation. You cannot change the weather, the past, and especially not other people.

In this story, we have both sides. One is trying to control others; the other is setting clear boundaries. She didn’t quit the first time the boundary was violated, but eventually, it led to them parting ways. They were both much happier for it, not better, but happier.

People are who they tell you they are. When someone tells you who they are, believe them.

APP: One of the prayers I pray every morning is the Serenity Prayer. Serenity means Peace. The beginning of it is this:

​God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, 

the courage to change the things I can, 

and the wisdom to know the difference.

T. S.: Where is Power an issue for you? Have you involved God and sought council? Have you set a boundary and followed through?